The elusive "balance". Does it really exist?

I am constantly striving to achieve the BALANCE

Balance in motherhood

Balance for myself

Balance for the kids

Balance for the dog (not really, I don't have a dog, but if I did I would be trying to find balance for it too)

But what does it really mean? 

And realistically, can it be achieved?

The more I chase it, the more it doesn't really look like a goal that needs to be conquered but rather an elusive idea that swims teasingly out in front of me saying "Nah nah na nah na, you can't catch me".

Finding balance and being a perfectionist is almost counter-intuitive.  I want to be the best I can, at everything:

A great mum

A loving and supportive wife

A high performing employee

A strong and confident woman

A fit and healthy person

An attentive and caring daughter, sister and friend

Is the only way to achieve all these things by doing everything at 80%?

Feels like it.

I have recently gone back to the paid workforce after three years as a stay at home mum.    

The balance is even more challenging but in a different way.  Before it was finding the intellectual balance that I craved. Now, it is a matter of whether I can actually fit everything that needs to be done into a 24 hour day.  

Don't get me wrong, I am a doing person. I like to be busy.  I am no good if I am idle. I feel a sense of achievement from getting things done, being efficient and productive.

However, a question I seem to be asking myself more and more in the effort to achieve this, so called, balance is "What's more important?"

What's more important? - Cleaning the house on a non-work day or letting it go and playing cars and doing puzzles instead?

What's more important? - Staying an extra hour with a good friend and having eggs on toast for dinner or going home early to cook a substantial, nutritionally sound meal.

What's more important? - Sleeping in or squeezing a workout in before work?

I can tell you, that in 99% of cases it is the latter that wins out.

Surprisingly, I'm cool with it.

Even though I want to do everything at 100%, that won't achieve balance either.



So, what's more important? 


Living a life measured in percentages 

or

Living a life measured by a deep understanding of what really matters


It's the latter that always wins out.


Happy Balance Searching!

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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

The 5kg Mission: Accomplished

Follow the mission here:
The 5kg mission: The 5 step plan
The 5kg mission: Weeks 1 & 2
The 5kg mission: Weeks 3 & 4
The 5kg mission: Weeks 5 & 6

Generally I'm not the bragging type but...

GOOD ON ME

It was friggin' hard work, mind you.

5kg's doesn't sound like much but when it's the pesky LAST five, it feels like a ton.

I am now under my pre-baby (who is not a baby anymore but now a toddler) weight.

Since my last post on this, it has been a.... shedload of weeks.  I have been a bit slack on updating 'cause...  well.... we packed up, went on a holiday and moved countries.

What worked

• Conquering my cheese addiction
• Eating less
• Calorie counting
• Keeping a food diary www.myfitnesspal.com
• Interesting, filling salads for lunch

What didn't work

• Not eating carbs after 5pm - too complicated, made no difference
• Eating small regular meals - made no difference, its more about overall calories consumed in a day

Best moments

• Achieving my goal
• Realisation that walking and Pilates do 'count' as exercise
• Vodka and Diet Coke has less calories than wine

Worst moments

• Cheese has a humungous amount of calories
• Losing one week only to put back on the next

Now the hardest part begins...

Keeping it off - stay tuned.

Random stuff that must be kept

Fitting six months of our life into four suitcases is...

a challenge

Actually, correct that... it's impossible.  We had to buy another bag.  We now have five suitcases.

You know what takes up the most room?

The damn toys.

We have one suitcase just for toys.  

I'll admit it now - I "accidentally" left some behind.  Santa Claus underestimated the size of some of the gifts (honestly, what were you thinking Santa).  Let's hope this doesn't come back and bite me in the bum later.

It will though...

"I have no idea where enormous talking T-Rex went?"

"Must have got lost on our way home"...

Master 4 gets EXTREMELY upset when things are lost.  

He already has plans to come back to the USA "when I am a grownup" just to find a Matchbox ute he lost at the park one day.

It doesn't help that Master 4 also wants to keep all sorts of random stuff.

Like...

Leaves, bits of bark, sticks, weird balloon swords, icicles, the wrapper from his museli bar that now apparently looks like a boat, pine cones, rubber bands, bits of string, shells

It is imperative that these things are kept safe.

There is now a dedicated pocket in one of the suitcases for The Randoms That Must Be Kept.

I think he is MacGyver or something.

I mean, there are countless tricky situations where a balloon sword and a rubber band would be handy...right?

Bye Bye USA. Thanks for the memories!

We are heading home.

For those reading this blog for the first time, Welcome! We have spent the past six months living in Washington DC in the USA after Mr Jones was seconded onto a project over here.

We have loved every minute of it.

BC (before children) we lived in London for two years.  We had an amazing time and travelled all over Europe.  After returning to Australia and being grown ups (aka buying a house, renovating, buying a business, having kids etc), we never thought we would have the opportunity to work overseas again.

This has been the most incredible experience and one we will never forget and always cherish.

Living in another country with kids is different to living overseas with no kids. Hey, who am I kidding, living ANYWHERE with kids is different to no kids!

I was a little apprehensive before coming here.  I am blessed to have an amazing support network close by in Australia and coming to another country, living in a small apartment with my little boys by my side every minute of every day, seven days a week was pretty daunting (patience is not one of my strengths although I wish wish wish it were).

However, it has been fine.  There have been days that if I had to explain one more time a) picking your nose spreads germs b) putting your hands down your pants isn't nice manners c) we eat our food sitting up at the table, not upside down or d) ask for a tissue instead of wiping your snot on the couch, I would have lost the will to live but hey, that's just parenting in general.  Doesn't matter where in the world you are.

WHAT I HAVE LOVED

• Seeing a new country through the eyes of my boys
• The people I have met
• Weekly cleaning service (I haven't cleaned a toilet in six months - what a bloody treasure that has been)
• Having an ozone layer
• No water restrictions
• Being immersed in the 'day to day'
• Discovering this incredibly diverse and amazing country

WHAT I HAVE MISSED

• Friends and family
• My coffee machine
• My pillow
• Our house

So long USA, thank you for welcoming us and showing us your amazing personality.  I love your patriotism, I love how proud you are, I love your sunny disposition, I love your celebrations and your positive outlook.

I'm taking a bit of all that back to Australia with me. 


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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

2013 goals: better late than never!

I'm not a big one for New Years Resolutions but I do like to have goals.

I also like to have plans on how to achieve those goals.  However, it's all very well to make plans (I am a planner afterall) but plans change.

2012 is a fine example of this.  I did not know at the beginning of 2012 that I would end the year living in Washington DC.  That was an AWESOME change of plans.

So lets just stick to the goals for now. 

Top 5 goals for 2013 (good lists come in 5's!)

1. Go back to the paid workforce
This is probably my number 1 goal for this year.  I would like to find a role I am passionate about in vocational teaching or marketing part time.

2. Complete and maintain The 5kg mission
It's taking awhile but I am slowly (and healthily) chipping away at it. Those last 5kg are always the hardest.

3. Write 40 posts on my blog
I am loving writing my blog and would like to continue to improve my writing and keep it regular, light hearted and interesting.

4. Renovations
Mr Jones and I have great plans for finishing off a few things around our house this year - the backyard, downstairs wet areas and family room.

5. Breathe
I forget to breathe.  I don't mean literally (I don't have some weird condition where I forget to breathe - that would be..... bad) but I really need to just take more deep breaths each and every day. Breathe before I react. Breathe at the end of a hard day. Just breathe.

Just puttin' it out there.

There is something so accountable about writing it down.



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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

The "Where do babies come from?" conversation

Just after I had Master 1, Master 4 was sitting on my knee just chatting and completely out of the blue he says "How did Master 1 get into your tummy?"

Oh S**t.

I wasn't prepared.

He caught me off guard.

"Ummm, well, ummm...he just grew there"

"But how did he get IN there" he says

A million things run through my head.  It needs to be age appropriate, don't traumatise him, don't say something lame like the stork bought him or we found him in the cabbage patch or ask your Daddy.  Ok, deep breath, THINK OF SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY

"Wellllll....he grew from a little egg" 

Pause.  

I am waiting for his short attention span to take over and for him to start talking in detail about what shape his poo was this morning or something... please....anything. I'm not ready for this yet.

I can see his little brain ticking over and he is looking at me expectantly.  I contemplate distracting him but I know he won't let it go so here it goes...

"Mummy has lots of little eggs inside her and he grew from one of those eggs into a baby"

Please let that be enough

He is thinking thinking thinking

"Can I eat those eggs?"

No my son, you cannot.

_____________________________________________________

He was quite happy with this response and for quite a while proceeded to ask every female he met whether she had "eggs inside her" followed by "but you can't eat them, you know"

Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Technology has replaced "I spy"

BC (before children), I would look at parents in restaurants whose children were playing hand held games and say to Mr Jones indignantly "Why don't they have a conversation with their children, instead of playing video games at the dinner table? When we have kids, we won't be doing that".

I was such an extraordinary parent before I had kids.

Recently we took a long weekend and went to New York City on the train.  It is a four hour journey. It's a nice ride because you can look out the window and see lots of interesting things as well as being able to get up and move around.


This is what our train journey to New York looked like:

No looking out the window, no seeing interesting things and no moving around.

When I was young, we went on lots and lots of driving holidays.  We drove from Melbourne to Queensland and across the Nullarbor a few times to Perth.  We had some amazing adventures and saw some pretty cool stuff.

On these long drives, my brother and sister and I would play family car games, listen to Dad's "Australian" tapes (I can recite 'The Man From Snowy River' - its my thang), sleep, eat Fantails, read, annoy each other, listen to books on tape (remember the Disney ones that you followed along with a book and the music chimed each time you had to turn the page!), stare out the window for hours watching the scenery go by and of course play "I spy".

We had no DVD players, hand held game units, iPhones or iPads.  

This is not a "it's not like the good ole days" rant because if DVD players and iPads were available back in the "olden days", my siblings and I would have been all over that.

Now, before handing over the electronic devices, we did try to engage Master 4 in a game of "I spy".  He hasn't quite grasped the idea that you have to be able to "see it" in order for us to guess.  So once we have exhausted all the obvious things beginning with "T" (train, tractor, tracks, trees), we are also guessing every other word that he has in his vocabulary beginning with "T" (T-Rex, tiger, trampoline, trumpet etc).  Consequently, he thinks we are pretty crap at it.

In my book, any thing that I can use to my advantage to make my life as a parent just that bit more bearable on a long journey is fine by me.

Did I think that I would hand over the technology so easily?

No.

But I'm over being hoighty toighty and judgemental about it.  

To technology I say...


Bring it.

The 5kg mission: Week 5 & 6

It's been six weeks of The 5kg mission.  

Follow the mission here:
The 5kg mission: The 5 step plan
The 5kg mission: Weeks 1 & 2
The 5kg mission: Weeks 3 & 4

Week 5, I lost 1.3kg

Week 6, I lost 300g

GOOD STUFF

I've really got into a rhythm this last two weeks and am feeling pretty happy with the results.  I know the equation - Calories in less than calories out.  It's working and I am sticking to it.

I have dropped a size and I bought a new pair of pants to celebrate.  Felt good about buying pants for the first time in a couple of years.

CHALLENGES

The results are directly correlated to the kind of week I have food wise.  There doesn't seem to be much give and take.  Calorie blowout = butt blowout.

For example:

Week 5 was really low key.  I ate at home every day and my exercise was great.  I saw the results.

Week 6 my parents arrived from Australia and it was Christmas.  I ate out more, had more nibbles, more alcohol, dessert and bigger portions.  The results were less.

I am finding the balance of achieving my goal and just living and enjoying my food really conflicting.

Poor Mr Jones.  I know he is finding my constant "Do you know how many calories are in that?", just before he enjoys his mouthful of blueberry muffin, really annoying.

I don't blame him.

That is annoying.

Note to self: try not to annoy husband with stupid calorie references.

Anyway, gotta focus on the positives right?

Boy, this process is a roller coaster ride!

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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

The Elf on the Shelf landed at our place

For those of you who don't yet know it, The Elf on the Shelf is a gorgeous Christmas tradition that helps Santa know who to put on the Naughty and Nice list. At the start of each Christmas season, the elf appears to serve as Santa's eyes and ears, travelling back to the North Pole each and every night to make a detailed report of the day’s activities.  Visit www.elfontheshelf.com 

We started this gorgeous tradition this year.

Upon our return from a long weekend away, Santa, had left a present on our coffee table.  Master 4 opened it and it was our Elf with her explanation book.

Part of her magic and what binds her to us, is that we had to give her a name.

So we brainstormed.

Master 4 wanted to called her Elfie (very creative) or Fire Truck (she is a red elf so during the brainstorming, I asked him to think of something red to help us along!).  

We eventually decided upon Daisy.

So Daisy it is.

Daisy was in a different place every morning.  We have had such fun with her.  She is pretty cheeky.  Here are a few of her places:

Brushing your teeth is important

Playing with Lego
(she made a sled for
Master 4 to play with)

Peekaboo out of the drawer

Yummy banana

Weeeee! Having a ride

Upside down in the Kitchen

Calling the North Pole!

Hungry for breakfast

The boys loved it!  Every morning they would scramble out of bed to see what Daisy had been up to last night.  I'll admit that the "Don't forget, Daisy's watching" also came in handy a few times!  On Christmas Eve, when Santa came, Daisy flew back with Santa to the North Pole.  We'll see her next year.

Can't wait to see what she gets up to in 2013!

Happy New Year to you, may 2013 be filled with laughter, health and happiness.

The 5kg mission: Weeks 3 & 4

It's been four weeks of The 5kg mission.  

Follow the mission here:
The 5kg mission: The 5 step plan
The 5kg mission: Weeks 1 & 2

Week 3, I lost 1.8kg

Week 4, I put on 500g

So I am still ahead.

Four days of Week 4 were spent in New York City on a long weekend away with friends.  I found it difficult to maintain a low calorie regime while eating out for lunch and dinner.  Luckily in the US, many places list the amount of calories in each menu choice which I am finding really useful (and insightful).  Lucky we walked and walked and walked while we were there.

One thing that working in the health and fitness industry for five years has taught me is that the equation for successful weight loss is pretty simple - burn more calories than you consume.  Yes, there are sometimes genetic and medical factors that prohibit this from happening but for the majority of people there are two choices 1. Consume less calories or 2. Move more.

I know that I could lose weight quicker by taking up running or completely cutting out skinny latte's but the truth is - I don't wanna!

For me, this process needs to be realistic and sustainable.  Something I can follow and maintain.  I have already learnt things about this process just from keeping a food and exercise journal:

• The amount of cheese I was eating was a contributing factor to not being able to budge weight
• A couple of vodka and diet coke's on a Friday night is better than half a bottle of red wine
• Just get a coffee - don't get that muffin aswell - even if it is banana and blueberry (which sounds healthy but is full of calories)
• I love walking (and it does count as exercise)

These 5kg are annoying and I knew they were going to be. But, they will come off and I know that by doing it this way, they will STAY OFF and that is the shining beacon that keeps motivating me.

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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Public toilets and kids: a germ recipe for disaster

I am not over the top about germs or anything but public toilets are just GROCE.  Admittedly, some are worse than others.

Now that I have two little kids, using a public toilet has a completely new set of obstacles for all of us to overcome.

Master 4 has been toilet trained for some time but he is still not germ trained.  Master 1 thinks germs are delicious.

This is usually how it goes.

"Come on boys, lets go to the toilet before we leave"

I have each of my boys by the hand.  Ok, choose a cubicle.  I usually go to the one nearest to the entrance because I was once told that this is the cleanest.  The theory being that everyone else thinks that the first one gets used the most and go to the second or third cubicle.  Now that I write this, that seems like a load of crap and it makes no difference whatsoever, but it makes me feel better.

I usher both of them in.

Stepping in front of them so they don't both rush to touch the toilet seat, I lift up the toilet seat with my pinky finger so Master 4 can go.

"Off you go, bub", I say to him.  "Remember lean forward, watch what you are doing, don't rest your willy on the toilet bowl and don't touch ANYTHING". 

Poor kid - what a ridiculous set of instructions.

Meanwhile, I have Master 1 pretty much pinned against the cubicle door so that he can't touch anything.

After Master 4 is finished and pretty much before I can stop him, he grabs the toilet seat, not with his fingertip (like I have asked him to do a million times) but with both hands wrapped around the seat and slams it down. 

I tell them both to stand against the cubicle door and "Don't touch ANYTHING".

It gets infinitely worse when I need to go as well.  I start to do my business without touching any part of the toilet. But whilst I am hovering the following is happening:

Master 4 finds a bit of cream cheese on his hand left over from lunch and begins to lick his hand.  Master 1 has two hands on the toilet floor and is trying to look under the door. 

"Don't lick your hands", "Stand up please", I say.

Master 1 wanders past me to get a good look "back there" to see what's happening.  

Master 4 is playing with the lock.  "Don't..." too late, the door starts to swing open and I grab it from underneath with my foot, just in time, before I have more witnesses than one generally needs when peeing.

"Mumma, why do you have to sit down to do wee's?" Master 4 asks.  Still with one foot under the door, I cringe, do we have to do the differences between boys and girls talk right now?

I finish and stand up, trying to sort myself out.

Like a lightening bolt, Master 1 has squeezed past me to the sanitary napkin bin.  "Bang bang bang", he says grinning, opening and closing the lid.  

"No touching", I hiss, between clenched teeth.

Please get me out of here.

It amazes me that in the space of a couple of minutes, they have touched, wiped, stuck their fingers in or licked pretty much every part of that cesspool that they could.

Eeewwww....  I think I need to carry those chemical protection suits for each of them.  Bit far maybe?

I proceed to soap, wash and dry their hands.  Then sanitiser spray (just for good measure).

I think I might be a germaphobe after all?

Ready to go? Not with a toddler in tow!

Its date night! Yippee!

Dinner is booked. We have our babysitter coming. Can't wait.

Right, now to get ready.

The trick is to allow the exact right amount of time.  

Too little time and I am running around the place in my undies just as there is a knock at the door.  Too much time and I have my dress tucked into my undies so that it won't get snot/yoghurt/other sticky mess on it that little boys, with fingers pointed in the air, present to me "Mumma, yucky".  Either way, there is too much undies.

I am on schedule tonight.  I start the process at 4.30pm.  Have a shower and wash my hair.  Kids are coming in throwing books, cars, lego in the shower and Master 1 is incessantly playing with the toilet brush but hey, this is all normal.

Get the kids their dinner early so if they fuss and carry on, I have enough time not to get cranky about it. 

Ok, dinner went well.  Its now 5.30pm, babysitter is coming at 6.00pm. I am feeling smug at this point.  Got this getting ready thing all wrapped up.

Now I have 30mins to dry my hair and put my makeup on.  Normally this takes me about 15mins so I have double the time to make everything look a bit more special.  All good.

I slink off into the bathroom whilst the boys are playing on the floor.   

Then it all goes pear shaped.

I hear them starting to fight over a toy, I ignore it and start drying my hair. Over the hairdryer I can hear the fighting escalating and resist the temptation to go and referee.  "They are just going to have to work it out themselves" I say to myself.

Then I hear the thud thud thud of angry little feet. Uh oh. 

In they both tumble "Mumma, he took this...", "Mumma, he's not playing nicely..." "Mumma, he won't share...".  Here we go.

A tear streaked face comes between me and the bathroom cabinet "Mumma, up, up, up peeease".  I look down at him and brush in one hand, hairdryer in the other, give him a cuddle.  Oops forgot to turn the hairdryer off and my hair goes flying into the hairdryer, ripping about ten strands out of my head. "Owwwww, shhhiii....vers", I say.

I start to put my makeup on.  Master 1 goes into the bathroom cabinet drawers, gets out my stick of deodarant, pulls the top off and starts licking it. "Nooooooo, yucky" I shout.  

I put one knee against the drawers.

Master 4 starts with questions "How many stories is she going to read me?", "Is she going to give us a bath?" "I am going to tell her how to put the tap on, like this Mumma, look, MUUMMMMMAAA LOOOOOKKKKK" I ask Master 4 to go and choose the books for the sitter to read.

I can do this, I can do this, I'm almost there - I am chanting to myself.

Apparently the cuddle wasn't enough.  A little face comes between me and the bathroom cabinet again. "Mumma, up".  "Sorry bubba, can't pick you up right now, how about you go and find some books too".  "Mumma, up".  He is starting to push me away from the cabinet and the mirror.

By this point, I have one knee against the cabinet drawers and am almost bent in half, straining to see myself in the mirror to get my damn mascara on.  "MUMMMA, MUMMA, MUMMA UUUPPPPP, UUUPPPP, PEEASE, PEEASE, PEEASE".

This is a nightmare.

Giving up, Master 1 walks out of the room.  I feel bad.  Time check, its 5.55pm.  Arrgghhh, I rush through the rest of my makeup, jump into my dress, just as the the sitter knocks at the door.  I manage to pull my dress out of my undies just as I open the door. Phew.

Mr Jones arrives home a few minutes later, "You ready to go?" he asks.

"Yep, all good", I lie.

As I walk out the door, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realise I have only put mascara on one eye...

I am getting a lock for the bathroom door.

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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

The 5kg mission: Weeks 1 & 2

It has been two weeks of the 5kg mission.

I have been sticking to my plan - The 5kg mission: The 5 step plan

Week 1, I lost 1.5 kg - YAY!

Week 2, I put on 1.5 kg - BOO!

Right now, I feel very pissed off frustrated.

I have been meticulously recording every morsel of food consumed and exercise completed.  I have kept within my daily calorie allowance for losing a healthy 500g per week.  I have increased my water intake and I have been adhering to my regular weekly exercise.

Week 1 was great.  After weigh in day, I was excited and proud that my will power and determination was working and my hard work was paying off.

What happened in Week 2, I hear you ask?  Well, I don't want to make excuses but there was Thanksgiving (aka food induced coma) and our 10 year wedding anniversary meaning there was a calorie blowout.  Weigh in day was also two days before my period was due (sorry for the detail but I blow up like a puffer fish with water retention around that time, so I think its relevant!).

So, I guess, that is what happened.

There is one thing that I am finding the hardest - no/limited cheese.

Cheese is the thorn in my side.  I LOVE IT!  Especially around that 5-7pm time.  All I want is cheese.  I could eat slabs and slabs of it.  I could give or take chocolate, biscuits, ice-cream or anything else sweet but cheese gets me every time.

The 5kg cheese monster has knocked me down but I am picking myself up again and getting back on track.  Still, weight gain is a blow to the motivation.  Having said all this, its not just about the scales.  My pants are feeling looser and that is always a good sign, right? Hang on, these are actually my stretchy, bloated, period pants.

Oh well, I am determined that next weigh in day will be different...
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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Mr Jones and Me: A decade of marriage

This week was our 10 year wedding anniversary.

What a milestone! One that should be represented by something much more significant than tin, don't you think?

Mr Jones and I got married relatively young in today's society.  I was 24 and he was 25.  We have been together since we were 18 - high school sweethearts. 

I cannot believe a decade has passed.

Over a big slab of Brie cheese and a fancy bottle of wine, we reminisced about our marriage and the big/favourite moments.  I asked my gorgeously analytical and detail focused husband to list his top 5.  This is the conversation that followed:

Me: "So babe, what would be your top 5 moments from the last 10 years as husband and wife?".

Mr Jones: "What do you mean by top 5?"

Me: "Well...our most memorable times together"

Mr Jones: "Do you mean like places we have visited or things we have done or achieved?"

Me: "All of the above"

Mr Jones: "Well, it kind of depends.  For example, I could say watching you walk down the aisle or just our whole wedding or our day at the Grand Cru wineries of France or just our whole London experience?" 

Me: "Should I go first...?"

Mr Jones: "Ok, good idea".

I love that I know all his idiosyncrasies and he knows mine. 

I love being married to my best friend.

I love having someone who knows me better than I even know myself.

I love working together towards shared dreams and goals.

I love that we complement each other completely.

I couldn't imagine my life without him and through the great times and challenging times we have always been on the same team.  I hope we continue to love and support one another for the rest of our lives.

Ok better stop before I get too soppy/make myself cry!

Just for the record, my top 5 were:

• The birth of Master 4
• The birth of Master 1
• Our London experience
• Our first house
• Buying and selling our business

(we agreed that our actual wedding was a given and shouldn't be in the list - see what I mean by clarify! LOL!
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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH): A diagnosis

It was my 32 week pre-natal appointment with Master 4. After a thorough check of my preggie belly, my obstetrician says "I think this baby is coming bottom first".

Little did I know at the time, this was the beginning of our journey with Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH).  DDH is a medical term for general instability, or looseness, of the hip joint. It is also known as "Clicky hips", "Dislocatable hips", "Unstable hips" or "Loose hips".

At the time of my appointment, I didn't really think much of what my obstetrician said.  Afterall, I was only 32 weeks - the baby had plenty of time to turn. Right?

Wrong.  I did everything I possibly could to turn that baby naturally - pelvic rocking on all fours (yes, seriously?!), pre-natal chiropractic treatment, acupuncture, moxibustion (that's a story for another day).  Weekly appointments followed and by 37 weeks, baby still hadn't turned.

An ultrasound confirmed that baby was, indeed, breech and in fact was "frank breech" - meaning that bubs feet were beside his/her ears.  My obstetrician presented all the facts of a natural delivery vs a caesarean delivery of a frank breech baby.  After much research (and still more pelvic rocking), we decided a caesarean was it and a date was booked.

Through my research I had also come across the risk factors for the health of breech babies and the high risk of developing DDH was one of these.  I was concerned but hoped for the best - afterall it wasn't a certainty, just a possibility.

Master 4 was born at 40 weeks via caesarean and weighed 9lb or just over 4kg.  We were so completely amazed, proud and happy.  He was our gorgeous little boy and we finally got to meet him.  

Our paediatrician was present at the birth and immediately confirmed - his hips were completely dislocatable.  He came to see us the next day and advised the official diagnosis of DDH.  Our boy would need to go into a brace 24/7 until it was corrected "normally around three months, but we will see how it goes" he said.

In that moment, we were devastated.  Devastated that he had something wrong with him and at the uncertainty of the outcome.  It was also all the practical things like the awkwardness of feeding a baby in a brace, not being able to give him a proper bath or not being able to wear normal baby clothes as they wouldn't fit over the brace.

He was so beautiful, small and innocent - he didn't deserve this.  He was fitted with the brace at three days old and home we went - uncertain but with a plan.

Bringing a new baby home is an emotional roller coaster even without a condition that needs to be managed.  We had our up days and down days but there was a consistent focus to do everything in our power to make sure that our gorgeous little boy's hips would eventually become "normal".  

Never in my life had I wished to hear that word more.
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I completely acknowledge that DDH is not a life threatening condition and there are far far worse diagnoses.  We had a small glimpse into what it is like to find out there is something wrong with your baby.  My heart goes out to all parents that have ever had to confront these emotions - large or small.

Our first Thanksgiving experience

There were three holidays that I was looking forward to whilst living in the USA - Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Halloween was amazing and I was blown away by how unfounded my previous judgements had been.  See post Our first Halloween experience.  Christmas is right around the corner.

This week is our first Thanksgiving.

What is Thanksgiving? (according to Google search)

An annual national holiday marked by religious observances and a traditional meal including turkey. The holiday commemorates a harvest festival celebrated by the Pilgrims in 1621, and is held in the US on the fourth Thursday in November.

What is Thanksgiving? (according to Wikipedia)

Thanksgiving Day is a harvest festival celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Traditionally, it is a time to give thanks for the harvest and express gratitude in general. While perhaps religious in origin, Thanksgiving is now primarily identified as a secular holiday.

Even though I have never celebrated this holiday before.  I love the idea of it.  I love the family traditions that go with it.

The idea of the gathering together of family and friends to give thanks and express gratitude for what you have in life is endearing.

Whilst the majority of us may not be gathering to give thanks for the harvest in our modern world, it is lovely to just have a day to sit back and be grateful (and apparently sink into a food induced coma, only time will tell with this one!).

This is what I am going to give thanks for this Thanksgiving:

1. My beautiful family and friends
2. That we have shelter, warmth and nourishment
3. Our good health
4. Experiences that we have the opportunity to embrace

This is by no means an extensive list.  I am just not so sure that coffee and red wine should really be put on the list - but I am truly thankful for those aswell.

So, on the fourth Thursday in November 2012, even if you do not celebrate Thanksgiving - lets all unite and share our gratitude.

What are you thankful for?

Sometimes I'm just over it

To say that motherhood is a full time job is an understatement.

Today I am over it.

I have Master 1 upset because he bumped his head on the floor and Master 4 sitting in time out for causing it.  This is about the fourth incident today.  I have snot all over...well everything and I am on edge.

Right this minute, I just want to leave. Walk away from the chaos and the destruction of my house and the feeling that it is all getting on top of me.  Go for a walk, sit, do something - anything - that doesn't require a toddler or a pre-schooler.

Don't be alarmed, of course I would NEVER EVER just leave (just thought I would clarify).  But in these hard and intense moments, I imagine just walking away. "Let them sort it out", I say in my head (in between a whole lot of expletives - which I am also screaming in my head).

I need a soundproof room in my house.

So instead of a soundproof room, I am sitting on the toilet whilst they are in the bath (the toilet is right next to the bath - I am frustrated, not irresponsible!), with my laptop on my knee writing my frustration in a blog post that I may or may not publish because later I will read it and think "Geez - pull yourself together, woman".  But this helps.

Meanwhile, they are still whining and carrying on.  I have tuned out - just for a few minutes.

It's the constant...

"Mumma, can you..."
"Mumma, he did...."
"Mumma, I want..."
"But I don't want to..."
"But I caaaannnn't..."
"Mumma, I need..."

and me...

"Don't touch..."
"Don't do that..."
"Just do what I ask..."
"Please don't make a fuss..."
"If you do that again..."

I try and be a positive parent but it's days like this that I look back on the past 24 hours and find it hard to think of one positive interaction with the kids I have had all day.  Motherhood fail.

Not to mention the anaylsis that goes on in my head "How could I have handled that better?" "What would I do differently next time this happens?" "How can I help them to understand in a positive way?".

Its hard to be the teacher and guide when you're making it up half the time yourself.  We are all learning.  Motherhood and perfectionism just don't go together.

Master 4 just looked at me and said "Mum, I love you".  

Now that little face and those words are every reason in the world why I keep trying to be more patient and more positive.  He teaches me to be a better mother and a better person.

(Deep breath) Tomorrow is another day.

Do you have days like this?
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Thank goodness that day ended.  Later that night, I kissed my little sleeping angels on the head and thought how lucky I am to have been blessed with two gorgeous little boys.  I decided to publish this post for all the mum's out there that have had bad days too - I am pretty sure I am not the only one who has felt like this!