Public toilets and kids: a germ recipe for disaster

I am not over the top about germs or anything but public toilets are just GROCE.  Admittedly, some are worse than others.

Now that I have two little kids, using a public toilet has a completely new set of obstacles for all of us to overcome.

Master 4 has been toilet trained for some time but he is still not germ trained.  Master 1 thinks germs are delicious.

This is usually how it goes.

"Come on boys, lets go to the toilet before we leave"

I have each of my boys by the hand.  Ok, choose a cubicle.  I usually go to the one nearest to the entrance because I was once told that this is the cleanest.  The theory being that everyone else thinks that the first one gets used the most and go to the second or third cubicle.  Now that I write this, that seems like a load of crap and it makes no difference whatsoever, but it makes me feel better.

I usher both of them in.

Stepping in front of them so they don't both rush to touch the toilet seat, I lift up the toilet seat with my pinky finger so Master 4 can go.

"Off you go, bub", I say to him.  "Remember lean forward, watch what you are doing, don't rest your willy on the toilet bowl and don't touch ANYTHING". 

Poor kid - what a ridiculous set of instructions.

Meanwhile, I have Master 1 pretty much pinned against the cubicle door so that he can't touch anything.

After Master 4 is finished and pretty much before I can stop him, he grabs the toilet seat, not with his fingertip (like I have asked him to do a million times) but with both hands wrapped around the seat and slams it down. 

I tell them both to stand against the cubicle door and "Don't touch ANYTHING".

It gets infinitely worse when I need to go as well.  I start to do my business without touching any part of the toilet. But whilst I am hovering the following is happening:

Master 4 finds a bit of cream cheese on his hand left over from lunch and begins to lick his hand.  Master 1 has two hands on the toilet floor and is trying to look under the door. 

"Don't lick your hands", "Stand up please", I say.

Master 1 wanders past me to get a good look "back there" to see what's happening.  

Master 4 is playing with the lock.  "Don't..." too late, the door starts to swing open and I grab it from underneath with my foot, just in time, before I have more witnesses than one generally needs when peeing.

"Mumma, why do you have to sit down to do wee's?" Master 4 asks.  Still with one foot under the door, I cringe, do we have to do the differences between boys and girls talk right now?

I finish and stand up, trying to sort myself out.

Like a lightening bolt, Master 1 has squeezed past me to the sanitary napkin bin.  "Bang bang bang", he says grinning, opening and closing the lid.  

"No touching", I hiss, between clenched teeth.

Please get me out of here.

It amazes me that in the space of a couple of minutes, they have touched, wiped, stuck their fingers in or licked pretty much every part of that cesspool that they could.

Eeewwww....  I think I need to carry those chemical protection suits for each of them.  Bit far maybe?

I proceed to soap, wash and dry their hands.  Then sanitiser spray (just for good measure).

I think I might be a germaphobe after all?

Ready to go? Not with a toddler in tow!

Its date night! Yippee!

Dinner is booked. We have our babysitter coming. Can't wait.

Right, now to get ready.

The trick is to allow the exact right amount of time.  

Too little time and I am running around the place in my undies just as there is a knock at the door.  Too much time and I have my dress tucked into my undies so that it won't get snot/yoghurt/other sticky mess on it that little boys, with fingers pointed in the air, present to me "Mumma, yucky".  Either way, there is too much undies.

I am on schedule tonight.  I start the process at 4.30pm.  Have a shower and wash my hair.  Kids are coming in throwing books, cars, lego in the shower and Master 1 is incessantly playing with the toilet brush but hey, this is all normal.

Get the kids their dinner early so if they fuss and carry on, I have enough time not to get cranky about it. 

Ok, dinner went well.  Its now 5.30pm, babysitter is coming at 6.00pm. I am feeling smug at this point.  Got this getting ready thing all wrapped up.

Now I have 30mins to dry my hair and put my makeup on.  Normally this takes me about 15mins so I have double the time to make everything look a bit more special.  All good.

I slink off into the bathroom whilst the boys are playing on the floor.   

Then it all goes pear shaped.

I hear them starting to fight over a toy, I ignore it and start drying my hair. Over the hairdryer I can hear the fighting escalating and resist the temptation to go and referee.  "They are just going to have to work it out themselves" I say to myself.

Then I hear the thud thud thud of angry little feet. Uh oh. 

In they both tumble "Mumma, he took this...", "Mumma, he's not playing nicely..." "Mumma, he won't share...".  Here we go.

A tear streaked face comes between me and the bathroom cabinet "Mumma, up, up, up peeease".  I look down at him and brush in one hand, hairdryer in the other, give him a cuddle.  Oops forgot to turn the hairdryer off and my hair goes flying into the hairdryer, ripping about ten strands out of my head. "Owwwww, shhhiii....vers", I say.

I start to put my makeup on.  Master 1 goes into the bathroom cabinet drawers, gets out my stick of deodarant, pulls the top off and starts licking it. "Nooooooo, yucky" I shout.  

I put one knee against the drawers.

Master 4 starts with questions "How many stories is she going to read me?", "Is she going to give us a bath?" "I am going to tell her how to put the tap on, like this Mumma, look, MUUMMMMMAAA LOOOOOKKKKK" I ask Master 4 to go and choose the books for the sitter to read.

I can do this, I can do this, I'm almost there - I am chanting to myself.

Apparently the cuddle wasn't enough.  A little face comes between me and the bathroom cabinet again. "Mumma, up".  "Sorry bubba, can't pick you up right now, how about you go and find some books too".  "Mumma, up".  He is starting to push me away from the cabinet and the mirror.

By this point, I have one knee against the cabinet drawers and am almost bent in half, straining to see myself in the mirror to get my damn mascara on.  "MUMMMA, MUMMA, MUMMA UUUPPPPP, UUUPPPP, PEEASE, PEEASE, PEEASE".

This is a nightmare.

Giving up, Master 1 walks out of the room.  I feel bad.  Time check, its 5.55pm.  Arrgghhh, I rush through the rest of my makeup, jump into my dress, just as the the sitter knocks at the door.  I manage to pull my dress out of my undies just as I open the door. Phew.

Mr Jones arrives home a few minutes later, "You ready to go?" he asks.

"Yep, all good", I lie.

As I walk out the door, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realise I have only put mascara on one eye...

I am getting a lock for the bathroom door.

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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Sometimes I'm just over it

To say that motherhood is a full time job is an understatement.

Today I am over it.

I have Master 1 upset because he bumped his head on the floor and Master 4 sitting in time out for causing it.  This is about the fourth incident today.  I have snot all over...well everything and I am on edge.

Right this minute, I just want to leave. Walk away from the chaos and the destruction of my house and the feeling that it is all getting on top of me.  Go for a walk, sit, do something - anything - that doesn't require a toddler or a pre-schooler.

Don't be alarmed, of course I would NEVER EVER just leave (just thought I would clarify).  But in these hard and intense moments, I imagine just walking away. "Let them sort it out", I say in my head (in between a whole lot of expletives - which I am also screaming in my head).

I need a soundproof room in my house.

So instead of a soundproof room, I am sitting on the toilet whilst they are in the bath (the toilet is right next to the bath - I am frustrated, not irresponsible!), with my laptop on my knee writing my frustration in a blog post that I may or may not publish because later I will read it and think "Geez - pull yourself together, woman".  But this helps.

Meanwhile, they are still whining and carrying on.  I have tuned out - just for a few minutes.

It's the constant...

"Mumma, can you..."
"Mumma, he did...."
"Mumma, I want..."
"But I don't want to..."
"But I caaaannnn't..."
"Mumma, I need..."

and me...

"Don't touch..."
"Don't do that..."
"Just do what I ask..."
"Please don't make a fuss..."
"If you do that again..."

I try and be a positive parent but it's days like this that I look back on the past 24 hours and find it hard to think of one positive interaction with the kids I have had all day.  Motherhood fail.

Not to mention the anaylsis that goes on in my head "How could I have handled that better?" "What would I do differently next time this happens?" "How can I help them to understand in a positive way?".

Its hard to be the teacher and guide when you're making it up half the time yourself.  We are all learning.  Motherhood and perfectionism just don't go together.

Master 4 just looked at me and said "Mum, I love you".  

Now that little face and those words are every reason in the world why I keep trying to be more patient and more positive.  He teaches me to be a better mother and a better person.

(Deep breath) Tomorrow is another day.

Do you have days like this?
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Thank goodness that day ended.  Later that night, I kissed my little sleeping angels on the head and thought how lucky I am to have been blessed with two gorgeous little boys.  I decided to publish this post for all the mum's out there that have had bad days too - I am pretty sure I am not the only one who has felt like this!

I have a dorky collection - a confession

I collect pins.  And I love it! 

I only started this collection about ten years ago.  Each place I travel to domestically or internationally, I buy a pin.  I wouldn't say I have hundreds of pins or anything but I definately have over 50 or so.

FYI, there are two different levels of pin collectors - pin collectors and pin traders.  The different being that pin collectors will buy one or two pins for their own collection and pin traders often buy lots of pins from the same place to trade with other traders on their travels.  These are the "must knows" of the pin collecting world (haha! now I sound really nerdy).

Now I don't go so far as to wear them around or anything but I have a french beret at home that is covered in all my pins.  It is one of those possessions that if the house was burning down, it would be one of the things I would want to take (obviously not the no. 1 priority but it would be in the top 10!).

I don't even know how I got started and I probably wouldn't be able to tell you my first pin but I love looking through them at all the places I've been to and each one usually holds a special memory for me from that place.

I also love choosing them.  Every souvenir shop has pins.  They are like keyrings, teatowels or fridge magnets.  I almost feel disappointed when there is only one to choose!

So there you have it!  Do you have a nerdy or quirky collection? Please share, I want to know I'm not the only one!

Are you a planner or prefer to go with the flow?

Are you a planner or like to figure it out when you get there? Maybe a bit of both? 

I am a planner and I LOVE to research!  Part of the excitement for me of going somewhere new, seeing something different or even making a new purchase is the research that goes into it.  I enjoy the thrill of the plan (I need to get a life right! haha!).

Before we came to Washington DC, I did sooooo much research.  Everything you could think of from groups to join to must see places.  The power of Google is endless.

I had a comprehensive list of websites to go to, groups to join, local supermarkets, best coffee, best kid friendly restaurants, local gyms and how many minutes it took to walk to the closest metro (train) stop.  Some may call it retentive but hey, it satisfies my control freak tendancies and I can hit the ground running!

I admire people that are spontaneous, fly by the seat of their pants, it'll be alright when we get there.  I kind of wish I was more like that and often fight the urge to plan and pre-organise everything.  But alas, I can't do it. So might as well embrace it!  

In the first couple of days after we arrived here we have managed to join three mum's groups and enrolled in a Gymbaroo type of program for the boys called JW Tumbles.  It feels good to be able to get into everything quickly.  

We have a few things in the diary now which makes it easier to settle and establish a routine.  It also gets us out of the house and doing things ensuring we can maximise this amazing opportunity.

These were my top living abroad with kids research priorities (in no particular order):

• Parks (with play equipment)
• Good coffee
• Supermarket
• Local library
• Kid friendly restaurants
• Local chemist and medical centre
• Gym
• Train/bus system
• Meetup groups

What do you look for in a new place?