The elusive "balance". Does it really exist?

I am constantly striving to achieve the BALANCE

Balance in motherhood

Balance for myself

Balance for the kids

Balance for the dog (not really, I don't have a dog, but if I did I would be trying to find balance for it too)

But what does it really mean? 

And realistically, can it be achieved?

The more I chase it, the more it doesn't really look like a goal that needs to be conquered but rather an elusive idea that swims teasingly out in front of me saying "Nah nah na nah na, you can't catch me".

Finding balance and being a perfectionist is almost counter-intuitive.  I want to be the best I can, at everything:

A great mum

A loving and supportive wife

A high performing employee

A strong and confident woman

A fit and healthy person

An attentive and caring daughter, sister and friend

Is the only way to achieve all these things by doing everything at 80%?

Feels like it.

I have recently gone back to the paid workforce after three years as a stay at home mum.    

The balance is even more challenging but in a different way.  Before it was finding the intellectual balance that I craved. Now, it is a matter of whether I can actually fit everything that needs to be done into a 24 hour day.  

Don't get me wrong, I am a doing person. I like to be busy.  I am no good if I am idle. I feel a sense of achievement from getting things done, being efficient and productive.

However, a question I seem to be asking myself more and more in the effort to achieve this, so called, balance is "What's more important?"

What's more important? - Cleaning the house on a non-work day or letting it go and playing cars and doing puzzles instead?

What's more important? - Staying an extra hour with a good friend and having eggs on toast for dinner or going home early to cook a substantial, nutritionally sound meal.

What's more important? - Sleeping in or squeezing a workout in before work?

I can tell you, that in 99% of cases it is the latter that wins out.

Surprisingly, I'm cool with it.

Even though I want to do everything at 100%, that won't achieve balance either.



So, what's more important? 


Living a life measured in percentages 

or

Living a life measured by a deep understanding of what really matters


It's the latter that always wins out.


Happy Balance Searching!

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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

The "Where do babies come from?" conversation

Just after I had Master 1, Master 4 was sitting on my knee just chatting and completely out of the blue he says "How did Master 1 get into your tummy?"

Oh S**t.

I wasn't prepared.

He caught me off guard.

"Ummm, well, ummm...he just grew there"

"But how did he get IN there" he says

A million things run through my head.  It needs to be age appropriate, don't traumatise him, don't say something lame like the stork bought him or we found him in the cabbage patch or ask your Daddy.  Ok, deep breath, THINK OF SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY

"Wellllll....he grew from a little egg" 

Pause.  

I am waiting for his short attention span to take over and for him to start talking in detail about what shape his poo was this morning or something... please....anything. I'm not ready for this yet.

I can see his little brain ticking over and he is looking at me expectantly.  I contemplate distracting him but I know he won't let it go so here it goes...

"Mummy has lots of little eggs inside her and he grew from one of those eggs into a baby"

Please let that be enough

He is thinking thinking thinking

"Can I eat those eggs?"

No my son, you cannot.

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He was quite happy with this response and for quite a while proceeded to ask every female he met whether she had "eggs inside her" followed by "but you can't eat them, you know"

Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

The Elf on the Shelf landed at our place

For those of you who don't yet know it, The Elf on the Shelf is a gorgeous Christmas tradition that helps Santa know who to put on the Naughty and Nice list. At the start of each Christmas season, the elf appears to serve as Santa's eyes and ears, travelling back to the North Pole each and every night to make a detailed report of the day’s activities.  Visit www.elfontheshelf.com 

We started this gorgeous tradition this year.

Upon our return from a long weekend away, Santa, had left a present on our coffee table.  Master 4 opened it and it was our Elf with her explanation book.

Part of her magic and what binds her to us, is that we had to give her a name.

So we brainstormed.

Master 4 wanted to called her Elfie (very creative) or Fire Truck (she is a red elf so during the brainstorming, I asked him to think of something red to help us along!).  

We eventually decided upon Daisy.

So Daisy it is.

Daisy was in a different place every morning.  We have had such fun with her.  She is pretty cheeky.  Here are a few of her places:

Brushing your teeth is important

Playing with Lego
(she made a sled for
Master 4 to play with)

Peekaboo out of the drawer

Yummy banana

Weeeee! Having a ride

Upside down in the Kitchen

Calling the North Pole!

Hungry for breakfast

The boys loved it!  Every morning they would scramble out of bed to see what Daisy had been up to last night.  I'll admit that the "Don't forget, Daisy's watching" also came in handy a few times!  On Christmas Eve, when Santa came, Daisy flew back with Santa to the North Pole.  We'll see her next year.

Can't wait to see what she gets up to in 2013!

Happy New Year to you, may 2013 be filled with laughter, health and happiness.

Mr Jones and Me: A decade of marriage

This week was our 10 year wedding anniversary.

What a milestone! One that should be represented by something much more significant than tin, don't you think?

Mr Jones and I got married relatively young in today's society.  I was 24 and he was 25.  We have been together since we were 18 - high school sweethearts. 

I cannot believe a decade has passed.

Over a big slab of Brie cheese and a fancy bottle of wine, we reminisced about our marriage and the big/favourite moments.  I asked my gorgeously analytical and detail focused husband to list his top 5.  This is the conversation that followed:

Me: "So babe, what would be your top 5 moments from the last 10 years as husband and wife?".

Mr Jones: "What do you mean by top 5?"

Me: "Well...our most memorable times together"

Mr Jones: "Do you mean like places we have visited or things we have done or achieved?"

Me: "All of the above"

Mr Jones: "Well, it kind of depends.  For example, I could say watching you walk down the aisle or just our whole wedding or our day at the Grand Cru wineries of France or just our whole London experience?" 

Me: "Should I go first...?"

Mr Jones: "Ok, good idea".

I love that I know all his idiosyncrasies and he knows mine. 

I love being married to my best friend.

I love having someone who knows me better than I even know myself.

I love working together towards shared dreams and goals.

I love that we complement each other completely.

I couldn't imagine my life without him and through the great times and challenging times we have always been on the same team.  I hope we continue to love and support one another for the rest of our lives.

Ok better stop before I get too soppy/make myself cry!

Just for the record, my top 5 were:

• The birth of Master 4
• The birth of Master 1
• Our London experience
• Our first house
• Buying and selling our business

(we agreed that our actual wedding was a given and shouldn't be in the list - see what I mean by clarify! LOL!
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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Organising the toy situation

Do they really need all these toys? The short answer is...no.

My idealist view BC (before children) was that I didn't want primary coloured plastic invading my home and taking over everything.  I only wanted toys that were educational and came from sustainable sources.  My children wouldn't need material things to be entertained.....HA HA HA, oh how ridiculously naive I was.

We have recently moved to Washington DC from Australia from a four bedroom house to a two bedroom apartment.  This downsizing (and indeed the process of deciding what toys to take) has placed a new light on the type and volume of toys that we have in our house in Australia.  

In Australia our house is covered in plastic.  Its upstairs and downstairs, outside and inside, bathroom, kitchen, bedrooms - you name it and there is some kind of toy to be seen.  Over here it is different.  We didn't bring alot with us and even though things are still everywhere, the "things" are different.  

Sure there is Lego and cars and puzzle pieces and books but there is also cardboard boxes, old milk bottles with rice in them, empty toilet paper rolls, nappy boxes and a whole bunch of other recycled items.

When Master 3 was a baby, I did a whole lot more playing with things around the house but gradually over the years with birthdays and Christmases we have accumulated all sorts of other whizz bang things to play with and I have forgotten about how much mileage we can get out of a simple cardboard box!

Oh and how to store them....

There are so many solutions for storing toys.  I have a semi-organised, manageable system that seems to work and has some kind of order to it!  Would love to hear how you manage the toys at your place:

• Big colourful tubs with plastic handles
  We have one for each of our boys.  They are great because you can just throw everything into them and they are easy to pick up and move from place to place.  They are also a winner when we have other children come to visit as they all love to discover what is in them!

• Rotate Rotate Rotate
  To keeps the tubs under control, when they get too full, I take all the things out that are not being played with and put them away for awhile.  Then bring other things back - keeps it interesting.

• Use shelving or a cupboard if you can
  This allows you to gather smaller things that all go together like Matchbox cars etc and put them into labeled containers to be stored on the shelves.  This also helps keeps smaller items up high that may be a choking hazard for little ones.

• Zip Lock Bags
  I use these for everything - puzzle pieces, texta sets, playdoh sets, Lego sets (along with the instructions for building), felt playboard sets.  Keeps all the pieces together.

• Boxes
  We either decorate old shoe boxes or other cardboard boxes of all shapes and sizes or have a few purchased IKEA boxes to group bigger things together like cars, people, animals, tools, blocks or books.  I can store these in cupboards or on shelves.

• Sell, Swap or Donate
  When they have grown out of toys, put a group of things together and put them on eBay or have a toy swap with a friend.  You can also donate to your local Toy Library or Op Shop.

• Only clean up once a day
  I find this hard to do but I have learnt that if I do it more often I am just frustrated that it gets messy again within five minutes.  So at the end of the day we have a rule that before we have a story and go to bed, we all help to clean up.  The request is mostly met with "I don't wanna clean up" but "No helping, no stories" - gets the job done most of the time!

So even though the end of the day, the house looks like toy casserole, I take comfort that they are learning, playing and having fun - lets do it all again tomorrow!

Is my family complete?

I have two beautiful boys, I love having boys - I always thought I would have all boys.  I also think that I would like to have three children....sometimes.  It really depends on the day.  Some days I am like "Yeah, I could do another one - its all good" other days I think "There is no way in hell, I could do this again".  Do you ever have days like that??

People ask me "So, are you going to try for a girl?".  I am about 80% convinced that I would like three children but it honestly had never entered my head that I would have three to "try for a girl".  For me, it is more about having another child - no matter what the gender.

Its funny that when you have two children of the same gender people assume that you would like the opposite gender if you decide to have another one.  If you already have one of each gender people naturally assume your family is complete?  Why is it that to have a complete family you need to have the pigeon pair? Or is it just people asking questions to make conversation??

I won't deny it, I would love a little girl but I would also be just as happy with another little boy.  It truly wouldn't matter in the least.  I don't actually think Mr Jones is actually capable of producing a little girl - I don't think he has any "X" chromosomes - only "Y" hahahaha!  The main thing for me is the "magic" number of children, rather than gender.

The decision to go from one child to two was easy - I wanted at least two.  I count myself as incredibly lucky and blessed to have my boys.  The decision to go from two to three is much harder.  I often ask myself - am I content with my two healthy, gorgeous boys? Is my sanity going to be completely taken if I have a third? But there are also questions of logistics.  Will the grandparents be happy to take all three kids if Mr Jones and I want to have a night out? Financially, will we be able to give three children all that we would like to? Will I be able to manage going back to work if I choose to?

I think we will be able to manage the logisitics.  My sanity...well that is debatable.  I know it will be hard work when they are little but I love the thought of the three children grown up and having a wonderfully busy house with lots going on.

There are three children in my family and in my husbands family and I wonder if that also has an influence on the decision.  I am very close to my brother and sister and I cherish the relationship we have and would like this for my own children.

I don't really enjoy the newborn phase -  I find the first 12 weeks a complete fog of hormones, feelings, feeding and exhaustion.  I did enjoy it a little more the second time but still, this is such a short part of their little life.  I shouldn't let it dictate whether or not I have another child should I?

Mr Jones...well he is happy either way.  I think if I said that was it and we were finished he would be happy.  But he also likes the thought of three children.  He seems to be leaving the decision in my court but I think he worries about whether I will be handle it.  Geez, I worry whether I could handle it too.  There is no way to know is there?

How did you make the decision on how many children to have?  Was it gender related? Was the decision out of your hands? Was it related to how many children there were in your own family?  Perhaps you are also struggling with this decision!  Would love to hear your thoughts.

Is it true that you "just know" when you are finished???