Now that I have two little kids, using a public toilet has a completely new set of obstacles for all of us to overcome.
Master 4 has been toilet trained for some time but he is still not germ trained. Master 1 thinks germs are delicious.
This is usually how it goes.
"Come on boys, lets go to the toilet before we leave"
I have each of my boys by the hand. Ok, choose a cubicle. I usually go to the one nearest to the entrance because I was once told that this is the cleanest. The theory being that everyone else thinks that the first one gets used the most and go to the second or third cubicle. Now that I write this, that seems like a load of crap and it makes no difference whatsoever, but it makes me feel better.
I usher both of them in.
Stepping in front of them so they don't both rush to touch the toilet seat, I lift up the toilet seat with my pinky finger so Master 4 can go.
"Off you go, bub", I say to him. "Remember lean forward, watch what you are doing, don't rest your willy on the toilet bowl and don't touch ANYTHING".
Poor kid - what a ridiculous set of instructions.
Meanwhile, I have Master 1 pretty much pinned against the cubicle door so that he can't touch anything.
After Master 4 is finished and pretty much before I can stop him, he grabs the toilet seat, not with his fingertip (like I have asked him to do a million times) but with both hands wrapped around the seat and slams it down.
I tell them both to stand against the cubicle door and "Don't touch ANYTHING".
It gets infinitely worse when I need to go as well. I start to do my business without touching any part of the toilet. But whilst I am hovering the following is happening:
Master 4 finds a bit of cream cheese on his hand left over from lunch and begins to lick his hand. Master 1 has two hands on the toilet floor and is trying to look under the door.
"Don't lick your hands", "Stand up please", I say.
Master 1 wanders past me to get a good look "back there" to see what's happening.
Master 4 is playing with the lock. "Don't..." too late, the door starts to swing open and I grab it from underneath with my foot, just in time, before I have more witnesses than one generally needs when peeing.
"Mumma, why do you have to sit down to do wee's?" Master 4 asks. Still with one foot under the door, I cringe, do we have to do the differences between boys and girls talk right now?
I finish and stand up, trying to sort myself out.
Like a lightening bolt, Master 1 has squeezed past me to the sanitary napkin bin. "Bang bang bang", he says grinning, opening and closing the lid.
"No touching", I hiss, between clenched teeth.
Please get me out of here.
It amazes me that in the space of a couple of minutes, they have touched, wiped, stuck their fingers in or licked pretty much every part of that cesspool that they could.
Eeewwww.... I think I need to carry those chemical protection suits for each of them. Bit far maybe?
I proceed to soap, wash and dry their hands. Then sanitiser spray (just for good measure).
I think I might be a germaphobe after all?
No comments:
Post a Comment