Sometimes I'm just over it

To say that motherhood is a full time job is an understatement.

Today I am over it.

I have Master 1 upset because he bumped his head on the floor and Master 4 sitting in time out for causing it.  This is about the fourth incident today.  I have snot all over...well everything and I am on edge.

Right this minute, I just want to leave. Walk away from the chaos and the destruction of my house and the feeling that it is all getting on top of me.  Go for a walk, sit, do something - anything - that doesn't require a toddler or a pre-schooler.

Don't be alarmed, of course I would NEVER EVER just leave (just thought I would clarify).  But in these hard and intense moments, I imagine just walking away. "Let them sort it out", I say in my head (in between a whole lot of expletives - which I am also screaming in my head).

I need a soundproof room in my house.

So instead of a soundproof room, I am sitting on the toilet whilst they are in the bath (the toilet is right next to the bath - I am frustrated, not irresponsible!), with my laptop on my knee writing my frustration in a blog post that I may or may not publish because later I will read it and think "Geez - pull yourself together, woman".  But this helps.

Meanwhile, they are still whining and carrying on.  I have tuned out - just for a few minutes.

It's the constant...

"Mumma, can you..."
"Mumma, he did...."
"Mumma, I want..."
"But I don't want to..."
"But I caaaannnn't..."
"Mumma, I need..."

and me...

"Don't touch..."
"Don't do that..."
"Just do what I ask..."
"Please don't make a fuss..."
"If you do that again..."

I try and be a positive parent but it's days like this that I look back on the past 24 hours and find it hard to think of one positive interaction with the kids I have had all day.  Motherhood fail.

Not to mention the anaylsis that goes on in my head "How could I have handled that better?" "What would I do differently next time this happens?" "How can I help them to understand in a positive way?".

Its hard to be the teacher and guide when you're making it up half the time yourself.  We are all learning.  Motherhood and perfectionism just don't go together.

Master 4 just looked at me and said "Mum, I love you".  

Now that little face and those words are every reason in the world why I keep trying to be more patient and more positive.  He teaches me to be a better mother and a better person.

(Deep breath) Tomorrow is another day.

Do you have days like this?
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Thank goodness that day ended.  Later that night, I kissed my little sleeping angels on the head and thought how lucky I am to have been blessed with two gorgeous little boys.  I decided to publish this post for all the mum's out there that have had bad days too - I am pretty sure I am not the only one who has felt like this!