Mr Jones and Me: A decade of marriage

This week was our 10 year wedding anniversary.

What a milestone! One that should be represented by something much more significant than tin, don't you think?

Mr Jones and I got married relatively young in today's society.  I was 24 and he was 25.  We have been together since we were 18 - high school sweethearts. 

I cannot believe a decade has passed.

Over a big slab of Brie cheese and a fancy bottle of wine, we reminisced about our marriage and the big/favourite moments.  I asked my gorgeously analytical and detail focused husband to list his top 5.  This is the conversation that followed:

Me: "So babe, what would be your top 5 moments from the last 10 years as husband and wife?".

Mr Jones: "What do you mean by top 5?"

Me: "Well...our most memorable times together"

Mr Jones: "Do you mean like places we have visited or things we have done or achieved?"

Me: "All of the above"

Mr Jones: "Well, it kind of depends.  For example, I could say watching you walk down the aisle or just our whole wedding or our day at the Grand Cru wineries of France or just our whole London experience?" 

Me: "Should I go first...?"

Mr Jones: "Ok, good idea".

I love that I know all his idiosyncrasies and he knows mine. 

I love being married to my best friend.

I love having someone who knows me better than I even know myself.

I love working together towards shared dreams and goals.

I love that we complement each other completely.

I couldn't imagine my life without him and through the great times and challenging times we have always been on the same team.  I hope we continue to love and support one another for the rest of our lives.

Ok better stop before I get too soppy/make myself cry!

Just for the record, my top 5 were:

• The birth of Master 4
• The birth of Master 1
• Our London experience
• Our first house
• Buying and selling our business

(we agreed that our actual wedding was a given and shouldn't be in the list - see what I mean by clarify! LOL!
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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH): A diagnosis

It was my 32 week pre-natal appointment with Master 4. After a thorough check of my preggie belly, my obstetrician says "I think this baby is coming bottom first".

Little did I know at the time, this was the beginning of our journey with Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH).  DDH is a medical term for general instability, or looseness, of the hip joint. It is also known as "Clicky hips", "Dislocatable hips", "Unstable hips" or "Loose hips".

At the time of my appointment, I didn't really think much of what my obstetrician said.  Afterall, I was only 32 weeks - the baby had plenty of time to turn. Right?

Wrong.  I did everything I possibly could to turn that baby naturally - pelvic rocking on all fours (yes, seriously?!), pre-natal chiropractic treatment, acupuncture, moxibustion (that's a story for another day).  Weekly appointments followed and by 37 weeks, baby still hadn't turned.

An ultrasound confirmed that baby was, indeed, breech and in fact was "frank breech" - meaning that bubs feet were beside his/her ears.  My obstetrician presented all the facts of a natural delivery vs a caesarean delivery of a frank breech baby.  After much research (and still more pelvic rocking), we decided a caesarean was it and a date was booked.

Through my research I had also come across the risk factors for the health of breech babies and the high risk of developing DDH was one of these.  I was concerned but hoped for the best - afterall it wasn't a certainty, just a possibility.

Master 4 was born at 40 weeks via caesarean and weighed 9lb or just over 4kg.  We were so completely amazed, proud and happy.  He was our gorgeous little boy and we finally got to meet him.  

Our paediatrician was present at the birth and immediately confirmed - his hips were completely dislocatable.  He came to see us the next day and advised the official diagnosis of DDH.  Our boy would need to go into a brace 24/7 until it was corrected "normally around three months, but we will see how it goes" he said.

In that moment, we were devastated.  Devastated that he had something wrong with him and at the uncertainty of the outcome.  It was also all the practical things like the awkwardness of feeding a baby in a brace, not being able to give him a proper bath or not being able to wear normal baby clothes as they wouldn't fit over the brace.

He was so beautiful, small and innocent - he didn't deserve this.  He was fitted with the brace at three days old and home we went - uncertain but with a plan.

Bringing a new baby home is an emotional roller coaster even without a condition that needs to be managed.  We had our up days and down days but there was a consistent focus to do everything in our power to make sure that our gorgeous little boy's hips would eventually become "normal".  

Never in my life had I wished to hear that word more.
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I completely acknowledge that DDH is not a life threatening condition and there are far far worse diagnoses.  We had a small glimpse into what it is like to find out there is something wrong with your baby.  My heart goes out to all parents that have ever had to confront these emotions - large or small.

Our first Thanksgiving experience

There were three holidays that I was looking forward to whilst living in the USA - Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Halloween was amazing and I was blown away by how unfounded my previous judgements had been.  See post Our first Halloween experience.  Christmas is right around the corner.

This week is our first Thanksgiving.

What is Thanksgiving? (according to Google search)

An annual national holiday marked by religious observances and a traditional meal including turkey. The holiday commemorates a harvest festival celebrated by the Pilgrims in 1621, and is held in the US on the fourth Thursday in November.

What is Thanksgiving? (according to Wikipedia)

Thanksgiving Day is a harvest festival celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Traditionally, it is a time to give thanks for the harvest and express gratitude in general. While perhaps religious in origin, Thanksgiving is now primarily identified as a secular holiday.

Even though I have never celebrated this holiday before.  I love the idea of it.  I love the family traditions that go with it.

The idea of the gathering together of family and friends to give thanks and express gratitude for what you have in life is endearing.

Whilst the majority of us may not be gathering to give thanks for the harvest in our modern world, it is lovely to just have a day to sit back and be grateful (and apparently sink into a food induced coma, only time will tell with this one!).

This is what I am going to give thanks for this Thanksgiving:

1. My beautiful family and friends
2. That we have shelter, warmth and nourishment
3. Our good health
4. Experiences that we have the opportunity to embrace

This is by no means an extensive list.  I am just not so sure that coffee and red wine should really be put on the list - but I am truly thankful for those aswell.

So, on the fourth Thursday in November 2012, even if you do not celebrate Thanksgiving - lets all unite and share our gratitude.

What are you thankful for?

Sometimes I'm just over it

To say that motherhood is a full time job is an understatement.

Today I am over it.

I have Master 1 upset because he bumped his head on the floor and Master 4 sitting in time out for causing it.  This is about the fourth incident today.  I have snot all over...well everything and I am on edge.

Right this minute, I just want to leave. Walk away from the chaos and the destruction of my house and the feeling that it is all getting on top of me.  Go for a walk, sit, do something - anything - that doesn't require a toddler or a pre-schooler.

Don't be alarmed, of course I would NEVER EVER just leave (just thought I would clarify).  But in these hard and intense moments, I imagine just walking away. "Let them sort it out", I say in my head (in between a whole lot of expletives - which I am also screaming in my head).

I need a soundproof room in my house.

So instead of a soundproof room, I am sitting on the toilet whilst they are in the bath (the toilet is right next to the bath - I am frustrated, not irresponsible!), with my laptop on my knee writing my frustration in a blog post that I may or may not publish because later I will read it and think "Geez - pull yourself together, woman".  But this helps.

Meanwhile, they are still whining and carrying on.  I have tuned out - just for a few minutes.

It's the constant...

"Mumma, can you..."
"Mumma, he did...."
"Mumma, I want..."
"But I don't want to..."
"But I caaaannnn't..."
"Mumma, I need..."

and me...

"Don't touch..."
"Don't do that..."
"Just do what I ask..."
"Please don't make a fuss..."
"If you do that again..."

I try and be a positive parent but it's days like this that I look back on the past 24 hours and find it hard to think of one positive interaction with the kids I have had all day.  Motherhood fail.

Not to mention the anaylsis that goes on in my head "How could I have handled that better?" "What would I do differently next time this happens?" "How can I help them to understand in a positive way?".

Its hard to be the teacher and guide when you're making it up half the time yourself.  We are all learning.  Motherhood and perfectionism just don't go together.

Master 4 just looked at me and said "Mum, I love you".  

Now that little face and those words are every reason in the world why I keep trying to be more patient and more positive.  He teaches me to be a better mother and a better person.

(Deep breath) Tomorrow is another day.

Do you have days like this?
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Thank goodness that day ended.  Later that night, I kissed my little sleeping angels on the head and thought how lucky I am to have been blessed with two gorgeous little boys.  I decided to publish this post for all the mum's out there that have had bad days too - I am pretty sure I am not the only one who has felt like this!

The 5kg mission: The 5 step plan

I am on a mission.

A mission to lose 5kg.

And I have a plan... you always need a plan.

Since I had Master 1, I have struggled to lose the last pesky 5kg's to get me back to my pre-baby weight.  Master 1 is now 18 months old so no more excuses.  I have officially put my big girl pants on and am getting on with it.

Right.

This is my 5 step plan to successfully complete the 5kg mission:

Step 1 - Decide my goal weight and have a plan (TICK)

This is it.  I have my goal weight and this blog post is my plan.  Rather than just saying "I want to lose weight", I believe its better to make your goal specific, even if its just small steps at the start or 2-3 kilos at a time.  This makes it achievable and realistic.

Step 2 - Keep a food and exercise diary 

According to MyFoodDiary - a study published in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine found that people who keep a food journal lose twice the weight of those who rely on dieting and exercising alone.  

I have kept a food journal before and it really works.  For me, it keeps me accountable.  Last time I just jotted everything down in a notebook.  This time, I am using myfitnesspal.  

This fantastic website has a comprehensive database of food and exercise and with the click of a button, I can add the exact food I have eaten and it will record the calories, carbs, fat and protein of that food.  It then tracks your progress against your weight loss goal.  Its really easy and I can manage my calories throughout each day to eat healthy and still have that Friday night glass of wine! NOTE: I have not been endorsed by myfitnesspal to write this, I just like sharing!

Step 3 - Eat regularly

I am generally pretty good at eating three solid, healthy meals a day.  It's really the snacks and incidentals that are letting me down.  Most days I won't have afternoon tea and then I will eat waaaayyy too much cheese and crackers before dinner because I am starving and it is the most stressful and hectic part of the day (kids - witching hour).  So instead, I am going to eat a healthy morning tea and afternoon tea and no pigging out before dinner.

Step 4 - Drink more water

My new years resolution was actually to "Drink more water".  And you know how that went right?  The same way as almost all New Year's Resolutions - forgotten about by mid February!  More water does make me feel better.  When I have a glass, I forget that I am hungry (which often means I was actually thirsty).  I know my skin is clearer and I feel less bloated.  I just need to make myself remember to drink more!

"Water does have a role to play in weight loss. It is often said that the majority of the population does not drink enough water. For those who maybe carrying excess water weight, an increase in water intake will help flush out the excess water from their bodies. Also, often we confuse thirst with hunger and thus end up eating more food when we probably just needed some water, so with a proper intake of water we can manage hunger better. An extra tip, drink a glass or two of water before you start your meals. This will make you feel fuller and help you eat lesser at the table, thus contributing to fat loss indirectly". According to healthmeup.com 

Step 5 - Continue with my regular exercise (including strength training)

I know that my problem is not in my exercise - it is in my food.  Exercise is a habit I forged long ago.  Its just part of what I do - my sanity time.  Without it I get cranky!  I currently do a combination of walking, aerobics classes, pilates and strength training and am a generally active person.  

In my opinion, strength training is one of the most effective weight management tools women can use.  To put it simply, muscle burns more calories upon rest than fat.  So, the more muscle mass you have in your body, the more calories you will burn.  I'm all up for burning more calories. So forget hours and hours on the treadmill for weight loss - get on the weights!  (Just so you don't think I am just making all this up(!), my credentials are: I have worked in the health and fitness industry for five years, owned and operated a women's health club for three years and am a Certificate III qualified fitness professional).

So that's my plan.  

Now that I have put the plan in the public space, I am even more accountable. Eeeekk!

Wish me luck!

Less cynicism, more celebration

Any excuse for a celebration, I say. Or so I thought.

After living in the USA, I have come to a realisation that I don't celebrate enough.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that I am somewhat cynical when it comes to celebrating.



Let me give you some examples of what I do/have done in these celebratory moments:

• Valentines Day - don't do it, don't believe in it
• Birthdays - usually a small gathering of just family, unless it is an "0" birthday
• New House - nothing
• Baby born - baby shower for Master 4, not for Master 1
• Halloween - don't do it, don't believe in it
• Easter - family get together
• Christmas - Probably the biggest one - house decorated, big meal, presents, everyone together
• Anzac Day - nothing
• Australia Day - maybe a small BBQ
• New Years Eve - think its a fizzer most of the time and the kids get up at the crack of dawn anyway so we were in bed by 10pm for the last few years.
• Anniversaries - no presents, just a nice dinner
• Grand Final Day - small BBQ
• Melbourne Cup Day - nothing
• Labour Day - nothing

Sad and pathetic.

Right...new resolution for when we get home - Less cynicism, more celebrating.

I have loved the build up, the tradition and the celebrations that we have been a part of in the USA.  Nothing is looked upon as over the top, its just a wonderfully inclusive, communal and enveloping feeling of positivity and something to look forward to.

The change of the season was probably the first one that we witnessed and all the traditions that came with that.  We arrived when summer was finishing and fall (autumn) was beginning.  The fall meant cooler weather, the leaves turning, harvests, hay rides, festivals, pumpkins and apples, Halloween and Thanksgiving.

The shop fronts were all decorated in Autumn leaves and pumpkins and the supermarkets displayed all the traditional foods that represent the Fall.  I wrote in a previous post about how the celebration of Halloween over here has changed my perception of this holiday (Our first Halloween experience).  We are now looking forward to Thanksgiving and what this holiday represents.

I don't know where my cynicism comes from?  I think it might be the way I was bought up - not to be too OTT (over the top).  Maybe its a cultural thing - as Australians, we are more laid back and tend not to be too raa raa about "stuff".

Maybe we should get more raa raa about stuff?  Raa Raa is good, right?  Why not celebrate? Why not get people together? Why not promote the goodwill and feeling of connectedness that comes with each celebration? Why not get into the spirit?

Why not? I say.

Still can't wrap my head around Valentines Day though...

Do you like to celebrate? or prefer to keep it low key?
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Image courtesy of www.stockfreeimages.com

Career Change: Just relax, it will all work out

In 13 years in the professional workforce, I have had four main career changes.

By career changes I mean complete shifts in focus, not just changing jobs within the same profession.

1. Marketing
2. Business Owner
3. Tupperware Consultant
4. Stay at home mum

I am a HUGE believer in making the most of every opportunity that comes along and creating as many meaningful experiences as I can.  I am at the point where I am about to move into the next phase.  

What to do...what to do...

After much thinking time and drilling down into defining what I was looking for, I recently undertook a course to become a Vocational Education Teacher.

Yet another complete shift from anything I have ever done before.

I am excited about this new pursuit and a little anxious about starting something completely different and hopefully I will actually enjoy it.

Unlike the previous career changes, this one has been much more in depth.  There are so many considerations.  Childcare has probably been the biggest one.  I have had to put the boys names on waiting lists.  Even though:

I am not in the country at the moment
I won't need the childcare until I get back into the country
I don't have job
I haven't even started looking for one
I don't know where that job will be and what hours of care I will need 
I don't know what days I will be working or how many 

But I still need the names on the waiting lists...

I get really detail focused with things like this - trying to cover all bases - trying to make sure nothing will be left to chance because heaven forbid I miss something - the whole world will come crashing down (OK maybe that is a BIT dramatic).

I should take Mr Jones' advice and "Just relax, it will all work out".  Easy for him to say, he doesn't have to work out what days Master 4 has kinder and if he has to stay home to do the drop off and pick up or whether someone else can do that for him and if they can, who will it be?  He doesn't have to worry about how far the childcare centre is from the train station and after he does the drop off at childcare will he still be able to get a parking spot to get to work on time.  He doesn't have to think about how many days he is going to have to take off work because the kids are sick from being in childcare.  He doesn't have to think about whether he is actually going to be able to get to the gym and have 5 minutes to just pick his nose if he feels like it...

OK, rant over...and reading that back, I sound just a tad neurotic.  I really should just take the advice and "Just relax, it will all work out".

Seriously though, as mums, we do have to get into this level of detail if we are going to have some kind of sanity to our week.

The other side of this next phase are the emotional questions that are constantly rolling around in my mind

Firstly, about leaving my boys...

Am I being selfish? Don't they need me at this time more than they ever will? What is more important to me? I have a lifetime to work - should I just wait? I will never get these years back with them, I should make the most of it.  Will they turn into raging psychopaths if I am not there with them 24 hours a day?

And then...

Don't I deserve to have some intellectual fulfilment outside of my role as a parent? Won't they enjoy the social side of childcare? I really should go back now because if I wait too long who is going to want to employ me anyway? Wouldn't it be nice to have my own money again.  Imagine being able to drink a hot coffee and eat lunch whilst reading a magazine... yeah, now you're talkin'!

Goodness, it is exhausting.

I don't need to put myself under all this pressure and ask these ridiculous - and impossible to answer - questions but the inner motherlogue is like a broken record inside my head.

Still...despite the delicate balance required and the immense level of organising and planning to make it all work, I think I am going to run with it and see where it takes me.

The kids will be OK.  We will make it work.

After all, a wise person once told me "Just relax, it will all work out"
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Image courtesy of http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

My stroller and I

I have a love/hate relationship with my stroller.

I spend more time with my stroller than I do with my husband - so it deserves a mention.

I first purchased my stroller in 2008 prior to the birth of Master 4.  Like any pregnant mama, I did a mountain of research as to which one was going to be right for me.  Was it safe and sturdy? Was it not too heavy? Was it narrow enough to fit through the checkouts? Did it fully recline? Could it fit two kids later on? Could I fit my shopping, my bag and the kitchen sink underneath it...just in case I might need to lug that around too?

We finally settled on a Phil&Teds.

Originally we had ordered the mid range model.  But about three weeks before my baby was due,  the stroller still hadn't arrived.  They called me to let me know it wasn't going to arrive until the end of October.  

Well - you just don't tell a 38 week pregnant first time mum that her stroller isn't going to arrive until three weeks after her baby is due.  Biiiiigggg mistake.

I let out a hormonal rant "I ordered this stroller over three months ago..."  "This is not good enough..." "My baby is due in three weeks, what am I going to do without a stroller, I can't exactly carry the baby everywhere...." (despite the fact I had been carrying the baby for the past eight and a half months - did I mention I was VERY pregnant). 

I felt sorry for the poor 16 year old (or so he sounded) guy on the other end.  Was it the store's idea of a joke to get the work experience boy to call all the pregnant ladies to deliver this news?  The joke was definitely on him.

"We are so sorry Mrs Jones...why don't we upgrade you to The Vibe" he said.

The Vibe was the top of the line model.  It cost well over $500 at the time.

Stopping mid rant, I said "Ummm....well yes, that would certainly be a good solution - thankyou so much" 

Score!

So, I have had the Phil&Teds Vibe since then.  I have loved this stroller most of the time. 

I love that it can fit two children in it using the same footprint as a normal stroller.  It will fully recline to allow a baby to sleep whilst still ensuring the toddler has somewhere to sit.  It is lightweight, easy to fold up and put down.  It is easy to manoeuvre and the break is on the top of the handle and is easy to use.

Except when it doesn't work properly, then it irritates me no end.  

My most recent issue with it involved the back tyres wearing out (again).  Since being in the USA, I have no car which means I walk everywhere and use my stroller all day everyday.  The tyres wore down to the tread within a month, so I bought new ones - these also wore down to the tread within a month. 

I sent in a warranty repair request to Phil & Teds to get the tyres replaced.  They responded within two business days - just like their website said they would - with this response "Hi Kelly, we are going to get a new frame, front wheel and rear wheels sent out to you to take care of this issue. Everything else from your current buggy will transfer over. Enjoy your buggy!"

Within 4 business days, the new frame, front wheel and rear wheels had all arrived.

I was wrapped with the customer service and with the outcome.  I just hope it means the end for my troubles with the tyres.

Thankyou Phil&Teds for helping me with this issue so efficiently and for being a reliable and customer focused company.  

Now my stroller is all fixed and working beautifully - I love it again.  In fact I think I should give it a name.  Any suggestions?  

So, would I buy another Phil&Teds.  Yes.

(BTW, I have not been endorsed by Phil&Teds to say anything in this post).

Does your stroller have a name? What do you love about your stroller/pram?  What irritates you?